Swiftpaw's Chance: Chapter 13
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The prey isn’t running in the first place they try—they only find a squirrel, and Sandstorm misses it, so they move to an area closer to the RiverClan border, even if all of them hate to do it.
“Swiftscar,” Tawnypaw says as they walk. Something in her voice makes him frown down at her. “Do you...do you think I’m like Tigerstar?”
He stops walking for a moment and she gets ahead of him before she catches on. “Why would you think that? Did some cat say something?”
“ Every cat says something. Not...too me, but I hear it. They say things about Bramblepaw too, but I think they trust him more ‘cause he’s the leader’s apprentice,” Tawnypaw says miserably. “I...sometimes I think I’d be better off in ShadowClan, if every cat thinks I’m so much like Tigerstar.”
“You are not like Tigerstar,” Swiftscar says fiercely.
“How do you know, though?” Tawnypaw asks.
“Do you think he’s done things that are wrong? Like the dogs, or killing Brindleface, or trying to take over ThunderClan?”
“Of course!” Tawnypaw’s eyes are huge. “And I would never hurt anyone like that!”
“Well there you go. You’re not like Tigerstar if you think that what he does is wrong,” Swiftscar tells her.
Tawnypaw nods at the ground. “Would you miss me, if I went to ShadowClan?”
“Of course!” Swiftscar says. “Bramblepaw would too, and so would Goldenflower, and Sandstorm.”
“Not everyone would miss me,” Tawnypaw says to her paws.
Swiftscar nudges her shoulder. “Lots of cats would, though. Look, here, Cloudtail! Brightheart!”
The two cats turn around, and Sandstorm gives him a warning look for being too loud. He tips his head in an apology and gestures for the others with his tail.
“Would you miss Tawnypaw if she went...away?” he asks.
Brightheart’s jaw actually drops somewhat in horror. “You aren’t thinking of leaving ThunderClan, are you? Why?”
“Cats keep saying things,” Swiftscar says. “That she’s like Tigerstar. She can’t be trusted.”
“You could never be like Tigerstar!” Brightheart exclaims. “Tawnypaw, we know you. You aren’t like him. You have to know that what he did was wrong, right?”
“Of course I do!” Tawnypaw says.
“Then you don’t have anything to worry about,” Cloudtail says firmly. “And neither does anyone else. Also, for the record, I would miss you too, if you left.”
“Thanks,” Tawnypaw says.
Swiftscar is about to keep going, but ahead of them Sandstorm raises her tail ahead of them. He thinks for a moment that she’s scented some prey, and then he hears it: cats yowling.
Something is wrong .
They all unfreeze at the same time, running through the forest to the river that separates RiverClan and ThunderClan. On one side, Swiftscar recognizes Blackfoot, and several other warriors that he can’t name. He thinks that ShadowClan and RiverClan must really be one Clan now, if Tigerstar’s deputy is in their camp.
More pressing, though, is the fact that Graystripe, Firestar, and Ravenpaw are on the stepping stones, along with Mistyfoot and two apprentices—Stormpaw and Featherpaw, Swiftscar thinks. And they’re struggling.
“Swiftscar, help the others get the RiverClanners across!” Sandstorm yowls. “The rest of you, with me!”
Swiftscar runs down to the riverbank, where Mistyfoot is struggling across the last stepping stones. He’s struck by how thin she is—he’d only seen her a few days ago, how could she have lost so much weight? And her brother is nowhere to be found. Swiftscar doesn’t know why exactly she’s here, but he’s fairly certain Stonefur should be too.
There’s no time to think about it anymore—Mistyfoot reaches the last stone and Swiftscar has to reach out and help her onto dry land. She pants, scrabbling in the dirt, and finds her footing. After her Firestar helps Stormpaw over the stones and Swiftscar grabs him by the scruff to help him onto the bank. Firestar jumps after him and glances anxiously toward the battle; the ThunderClan cats seem to be winning, but it’s a near thing and reinforcements could be coming at any time.
“Help them, I’ve got this,” Swiftscar tells him, then jerks his head to Graystripe as well when the tom makes it across the last few stones.
Ravenpaw is last, helping Featherpaw across the rocks. She slips, one hind paw splashing into the water, and Swiftscar is across three stones before he even thinks about it. Ravenpaw has already caught her scruff and pulled her onto the stone, but Swiftscar stays where he is until she reaches him, then slowly backs toward the shore. He jumps onto the dirt and turns to help her, but Featherpaw manages a good leap all on her own. For a second it looks like she won’t stay on solid ground and Swiftscar and Ravenpaw both lunge forward, but she finds her feet well enough.
Swiftscar looks back at the fight. With the addition of Firestar and Graystripe, the ThunderClan warriors seem to be winning.
“I’m not much of a fighter anymore,” Ravenpaw says nervously. “I’ll stay with them.”
Staring at the writhing mass of cats, Swiftscar doesn’t particularly want to fight either. He takes a deep breath, and starts forward-
And Ravenpaw’s tail stops him.
“You’ve got a lot of scars, for a young cat. Far more than your fair share.”
“Yeah?” Swiftscar asks, his eyes on the fight. They’re surviving , but for how long?
“I think there's a reason Sandstorm sent you to help us instead of fighting. I live with a...well, a cat with a lot of demons. So I know what it’s-“
“I’m fine,” Swiftscar tells him. If there was ever a time to fight for his Clan, it was now.
He runs across the stepping stones to come at the battle from the side. Brightheart and Cloudtail are fighting side by side with Blackfoot. Swiftscar barrels into the huge ShadowClan deputy from the side, knocking him to the ground.
Blackfoot twists under him, jaws open wide in a savage snarl, and his claws rake across Swiftscar’s muzzle. His head snaps sideways, and he swipes at Blackfoot’s vulnerable belly. The deputy plants his hind legs and throws Swiftscar at the same moment, so his blow barely connects before he’s flying through the air and landing on his side.
All the air punches out of his lungs and he gasps. Blackfoot wastes no time in leaping on top of him, but Swiftscar wriggles away desperately before he can get a proper grip, scrabbling in the earth still wet from last night’s rain. Blackfoot’s teeth catch on his haunches, hauling him backward.
The battle yowls of his Clanmates turn into the snap and howl of dogs, and Swiftscar shakes his head with his own growl loud enough to drown them out. He is stronger than this. He is.
Not stronger than Blackfoot, though. Even already injured the ShadowClan deputy is a strong fighter, and he batters Swiftscar with a flurry of claws before Swiftscar manages to twist away.
He catches a blurred glimpse of the others fighting only tail-lengths away. Then Blackfoot’s paw smashes into the side of his head and he goes down, skull thudding in the earth and his ears ringing. The dog howls are back, their words with them.
Pack, pack, kill, kill .
He’s going to die. He’s going to die and he can't...he doesn’t know, if it's in the forest or by the river, but does it matter? His enemies are everywhere, the dogs are everywhere. He doesn't know what to do.
Everything turns into screaming and howling and flashes of color he can’t separate, and he doesn’t know how much time passes before something touches his shoulder. His eyes fly open—when did he close them?— and he leaps to his feet, lashing out at the threat, the dog dog dog .
Something is screaming his name or maybe just screaming, and Swiftscar stumbles backward, into a pool of blood.
Except blood isn’t cold, and it doesn’t flow swiftly enough to threaten to drag his paws out from under him.
He blinks and the world clears. Brightheart and Cloudtail are several paces in front of him, identical blue eyes wide with worry.
“Swiftscar!” Brightheart says, bounding forward, and he backs up so quickly he ends up with water coursing by up to his belly.
“Don’t touch me,” he says. “Don’t touch me.”
He’s shaking again. He’s afraid, he’s so scared , and he can’t think . All he knows is that he can’t have Brightheart touch him. Can’t have anyone touch him. He is so afraid.
“Okay,” Brightheart says, backing up until she’s next to Cloudtail again. “What do you want us to do?”
“I don’t—“ he moves to claw at the ground, and his claws splash through water. “I don’t know, I can’t, I can’t-“
“Swiftscar,” a voice says, unfamiliar. He looks over and finds Ravenpaw, who crossed the river again at some point. “Hey. I know you don’t know me, but my friend Barley, he has episodes like this too, okay? I can help, but I’m gonna need you to help me , too.”
Swiftscar nods shakily.
“Good. Now, do you want to get out of the river? The water’s pretty cold.”
Swiftscar pins his ears back. Ravenpaw is...he isn’t talking to Swiftscar like he’s a frightened kit, just another cat. It‘s. It is better. Swiftscar steps out of the river on numb and shaking legs and looks at Ravenpaw. He is aware, distantly, that he should probably be doing things, but he can’t really...he doesn’t know. He can’t think. Everything is slow and distant and cold. Ravenpaw said he could help, so he will.
“That’s good, Swiftscar,” Ravenpaw says. “What do you want to do from here? Personally I think going back to camp sounds good, but it’s up to you.”
Swiftscar nods. “Camp, camp is fine.” He doesn’t know if he wants to go back to camp, exactly, but standing out in the forest isn’t appealing.
“Good plan. Do you want some space? The others can go ahead of us.”
“Yeah. Yeah, um,” Swiftscar looks at Cloudtail and Brightheart. “They can go ahead. Please.”
Both of them hesitate, looking back at him even as they walk away, but they go. Behind them Swiftscar notices the battle ended at some point in all the time he lost.
“Walk with me?” Ravenpaw asks after the last ThunderClan cat is on the other side of the river. “I’ll keep my distance.”
“Okay.” Swiftscar walks over to the stepping stones, makes his first wobbly jump across. He can feel Ravenpaw’s eyes on his back the whole way across, but he doesn fall. Barely even slips.
Ravenpaw meets him on the other side and they start walking, a good two tail-lengths apart.
“Can I ask a stupid question?” Ravenpaw asks. Swiftpaw nods. “Has this happened to you before?”
“Sometimes. Not. Not this bad.”
“Does it happen for any special reason?”
Swiftscar nods and stares at the ground. “When I fight. I think about, about the dogs.”
“The dogs?” Ravenpaw frowns. “I don’t...is that why the scars? You fought dogs?”
“The pack. There was—there was a dog pack. Me and Brightheart, we-“
“You don’t have to tell me, it’s alright, I shouldn’t have pressed.” Ravenpaw looks ahead at the forest.
“How do you...know what to do?” Swiftscar asks. “No one else has.”
“My friend Barley, he lives on the farm with me? He lived with some really awful cats when he was younger, and he had to escape to save his life. Still gets nightmares sometimes. I get them too, but not as bad. I got out a lot earlier than him.” Ravenpaw says.
They’re both quiet for a moment, then Ravenpaw asks, “So this happens when you fight?”
Swiftscar nods.
“Not to, well, undermine anything you may be doing, but maybe you should stop fighting then?” Ravenpaw asks, a careful edge to his voice.
“I...I don’t know. I have thought about it,” Swiftscar admits. “I just don’t know. I worked so hard, being a warrior was the only thing I wanted. I fought a dog pack to become a warrior. So what do I do if I can’t be a warrior?”
“It seems simple enough,” Ravenpaw says. “You could be a medicine cat. Only if you want, that is.”
“But isn’t that a waste ?” Swiftscar asks. “Of everything I did to get here?”
Ravenpaw looks at him, his violet eyes gentle. “Am I a waste?”
“I—What?” Swiftscar stares at him, then has to focus on where he’s going as he stumbles over a tree root.
“I was training to be a warrior. And I left ThunderClan. I live on a Twoleg farm now and I support no one but myself and Barley. Isn’t that a waste of all my training?”
“That’s different. Sandstorm said...you were Tigerstar’s apprentice. You were in danger. ”
Ravenpaw blinks. “Tiger star ? Firestar didn’t mention that, just that he’d left ThunderClan....but that’s not the point. The point is, aren’t you in danger, Swiftscar?”
“No,” Swiftscar says, even though he’s thinking about it. Maybe.
“But if you have an episode like that in battle, you aren’t always going to have Clanmates around to save you, and you could put other cats in danger. I’m not going to tell you what to do with your life, just...sometimes the harder path is not the one worth taking,” Ravenpaw tells him.
“I’ll think about it,” Swiftscar says, and the black tom nods.
“Good. Assuming ThunderClan camp is still where I remember it is, we should be getting close. Are you alright now, or is there something else you need me to do?” Ravenpaw asks, purple eyes concerned and almost...almost anxious.
Swiftscar shakes his head. “I’m fine.”
“That’s what you said right before charging into a fight that started this whole thing,” Ravenpaw points out.
“I really am, this time,” Swiftscar insists. “It’s camp, not a battlefield. And Brightheart and Cloudtail will probably be worried. I’ve never. It’s never taken this long.”
“What, to want to be near other cats again?” Ravenpaw asks. “Everything happens on its own time. If they’re really your friends, they’ll understand.”
Swiftscar just nods, and then they’re at camp. Whitestorm is on sentry duty, and aside from a concerned look at them both he doesn’t acknowledge Swiftscar arriving much later than the rest of the patrol.
“Thank you for helping me, really,” Swiftscar says softly when they get inside.
“Of course,” Ravenpaw says, but he’s already scanning the camp, his claws flexing. “I need to go talk to Firestar, if you don’t mind?”
Swiftscar nods toward the leader's den, where Firestar is talking to Sandstorm. “Sure.”
Ravenpaw ducks his head quickly and heads over, and Swiftscar can see his wide eyes as he hisses something to Firestar. Firestar’s eyes widen a bit too and he gestures into his den as he talks to Ravenpaw. Swiftscar can’t even really process that before Brightheart and Cloudtail trot up to him.
They both stop a good distance away, unsure, and Swiftscar wants to take that look off their faces but he also isn’t sure if he wants them close yet.
“Swiftscar?” Brightheart says gently, after a moment. “Are you okay?”
He swallows before he speaks, makes himself think for a second. “I’m better now. I just...that was-“
“Bad,” Cloudtail finishes. “We were worried for a minute there.”
“Is it okay if we...” Brightheart trails off, gesturing at the space between them with her tail.
“I...I think so. Maybe,” Swiftscar says.
All three of them take a step forward at the same time. And then another. And another. And then Swiftscar is staring at Cloudtail and Brightheart, all of them so close they’re nearly touching. He’s trembling, just slightly, and he can’t tell if it’s fear or something else. No one moves.
Finally he surges forward, ducking his head between them. Brightheart pushes her face into his neck and Cloudtail gently nuzzles at his cheek. He can feel them holding back from everything they want to do.
“I’m okay,” he whispers. “I’m okay now.”
“We’ve got you,” Brightheart says. “Whatever you want to do, remember?”
“I feel like I want a nap,” Swiftscar says softly. It’s true, he is tired, and kind of wet, and he has a feeling things will be better if he sleeps for a bit. “And then I want to talk to Cinderpelt.”
“Okay,” Cloudtail says. “Can we come with you, or-“
“Yeah,” Swiftscar says. “Please.”
“Well, if you ask so nicely,” Brightheart purrs, and they walk into the warriors den—not pelts brushing, so close they’re nearly one cat, but close.
Swiftscar lays down first and watches the other two hover, unsure once again.
“You can lay with me,” he says. “Just...maybe not on top. Right now.”
“‘Course,” Cloudtail murmurs, and curls up behind Swiftscar.
Brightheart lays in front of him, and doesn’t protest when he gently puts one paw on top of her.
“I think I’m going to become a medicine cat,” he says to the quiet den.
Instantly the two bodies next to him stiffen with tension and he curses inwardly. Good job bringing up a touchy subject when they’re about to go to sleep.
“Are you sure?” Cloudtail asks from behind him. “Not to second-guess you and of course you can be a medicine cat, it’s just-“
“I’m pretty sure,” he replies quietly. “I’m going to talk to Cinderpelt later. I can’t keep putting myself and every other cat in danger in battle just because I’m afraid of not being a warrior.”
“Swiftscar, you don’t put us in danger,” Brightheart tries.
“But I do. I can’t be the cat who needs rescuing, or who fails to protect someone who needs it. And I could work on it, to try and get around it, but I’m not entirely sure I want to anymore.”
Brightheart remains tense for another moment before she relaxes. “Okay. If that’s what you decide to do, that’s...good, and we’ll support you.”
Swiftscar puts his head down. “Thank you.”
He doesn’t hear if they respond, his eyes already drifting closed as the words leave his mouth.